Picture the scenario…. A friend comes over for a TV and take away night. You put the TV on your favourite (embarrassing) programme is on. You REALLY want to watch it but you know that if you admit this out loud it could quite possibly ruin whatever reputation you have been trying to promote and you could become subjected to immense ridicule.

Not. With. Sky. Plus.

It allows you to always be prepared. From the comfort of my desk, I can use my Iphone to sky plus any cheap / tacky / wrong / weird / rude programme I want, it then tape it (in secret) and stores it ready for my alone time, therefore allowing me not to disclose any of my private viewing habits.

However, for the means of the blog, I will let you in (only partially) to my Sky Plus library and what my guilty pleasures are:

 - Behind Bars. Documentary of prison life. (this is on Bravo. Its amazing, they have a different theme every episode, so sometimes it discusses prison relationships, sometimes prison violence etc)
 - Total Wipout USA (on Watch and its a mix of a surreal gameshows like Takeshi’s Castle, Gladiators and Krypton Factor. I’m addicted to it. Americans running around a man made obstacle course, falling in mud and jumping on BIG rubber balls over water. I love this show.)
 - Women who Kill (this is factual and on the crime and punishment channel. Its usually the stories of three separate real life women killers. Worrying I sometimes put this on when I try and fall asleep)

Anyway - what are your TV guilty pleasures?

First broadcast in the United Kingdom in 1964, the Granada Television series Seven Up!, broadcast interviews with a dozen ordinary seven-year olds from a broad cross section of society and inquired about their reactions to everyday life. Every seven years, a film documented the life of the same individuals in the intervening years. The series was structured simply as a series of interviews with no plot. However, it did have the then-new effect of turning ordinary people into celebrities.

45 years later, reality tv is a global phenomenon and most of our current celebrities have either started their career, furthered their career or ended their career as a reality tv star. The thing that baffles me is WHY anyone would NOW subject themselves to entering a reality tv show knowing that it has become a platform to show abuse, racism, bullying, homophobia, prejudice, tears, tantrums, sickness and even dying - don’t we have enough of that in our “real” worlds!

Big Brother returns this week for it 10th cycle with what I can only presume will be another set of contestants so eager for fame that they will literally make themselves hated by millions of people to get it. And is it their fault - no - it is ours. I guarantee that none of use will watch BB hoping that the contestants just sit around and laugh and chat and have lovely philosophical conversations about happiness and life. We will watch it to see who fights who, who lies the most, who is the most obnoxious and who will cause the most friction. We, the viewers have shown in our ratings figures that we are hungry for the really nasty aspects of reality, and the contestants know that. They know that they will get notoriety but at a price. That price is for them to become our personal hate figure, and they would prefer to be a disliked ‘someone’ rather than just a “no-one.”

What I want to know is who is still going to watch it or who, like me, has decided that they like no-one’s better than someone’s?

I’m a sociable kind of girl, I like my parties, I like my drinks and I love to have fun so it shocked me more than anyone when I found myself over this bank holiday with no plans from Saturday morning through to Monday night.

None.

Could I really go through one of the most popular long, work free weekends without drinking in the sun, dancing until 3am and waking up each day with a hangover?

Well, I did and it felt marvellous!!!

I cleaned, I sunbathed, I pampered, I slept, I woke early and made gourmet style breakfasts, it was bliss.

Most of all, I caught up on my favourite thing in the whole world - TV.

I watched hours and hours of the stuff;

Saturday Kitchen (someone swore on air and it added to the excitement of the omelette challenge)
House series 4 - ALL of it (the new series is starting next weekend)
The Wire - My language now contains so much profanity that I should come with an 18 cert
Home and Away omnibus - yes, people do still watch it.
Hollyoaks omnibus - so much tragedy for one small town
Britain’s Next Top Model - Is it wrong to want the recovering anorexic to win - Go Jade!
Behind Bars; The Story of women serial killers - Aileen Wournos; serial killer, or misunderstood hooker, I am yet to decide

I’m a changed women. I have realised that staying in is the new going out. “What about your friends?” you may scream at me, but I simply found new, better friends - 

Mr. Wide screen TV
Miss. Sky Plus
Sir. DVD player.

Who’s with me? Who’s going to say boo to boozy nights and yah to box sets, omnibuses and documentaries?

Our lovely Trading Director Andy Benningfield recently informed me that an old class mate of his sent him a photo of when they were at school. I was intrigued to say the least to see what Mr Benningfield looked like pre-media… well actually, pre-puberty.

Had he changed?

Well, I want you all to be the judge of that.

Can you spot him below? I couldn’t.

Let me take you back to January 5th to show you how this phenomenon started!

Now, we know that the month of January is a deprived month for all, out of choice (resolutions) and/or out of force (money) but even the most strong-willed of us indulged in a little bit of breakfast and bucksfizz on the first day back after the xmas hols!

 As I chatted to everyone a thin figure appeared coming through the lift with their hood up…. I wondered…who was this new employee, why was he not stopping, talking, introducing himself. How did I not know that we had a new starter? Questions, questions! I took it upon myself to follow this fellow as he made a bee-line far away from the gathering crowd and straight into the dark side of the office.

Slowly the small frame stopped. Took off his back pack and grunted. I hesitated, almost scared. In slow motion the man turned round, his boney legs hardly carrying his weight. It was then that I gasped. My hand covered my mouth in astonishment.

…….time ticked on………

….and on….

“Matt” I whispered, is that really you?

“Who brings f’ing champagne and crap into the office when I am supposed to be dieting? Its banana and milk day for gods sake!” he replied.

“I..errr… don’t understand…..” I stuttered! “You’re so thin and lithe…..How?”

“GM Baby, GM”

That was it. For the rest of the day I was obsessed like a crazy lady!  What was this diet, how did it make you lose so much weight, so fast. I knew that it was a risk, but I wanted it so bad! SO BAD! I wanted to be lithe, firm and a shadow of my former self.

I decided to GM it.
It has been 4 days. I have not touched anything of any flavour or substance for 4 days. Today is MY banana and milk day. Today is a BAD day. Dan is on day 2. Vegetable day. I remember vegetable day… I liked vegetable day.

Take a look at what we are putting ourselves through!

http://www.iimahd.ernet.in/~jajoo/gmdiet.html

Is it working? Is it worth it? All these things I have no answers for! The things I do know are I feel slightly delirious, lethargic, grumpy and spotty but for the first time in 10 or so years I feel like I have no control over what I am doing. Someone is dictating and I am merely following. It’s nice, refreshing. Like not having to pick out your own clothes when you have school uniform.

Anyway - let me know your thoughts, and if anyone wants to force a snickers down my throat, I wont have the energy to stop you!

So, it’s a brand new year and we are a brand new company. We are MAXUS!

I personally much prefer the new name MAXUS, it makes me feel empowered, slightly above all other companies. When I say “MAXUS” I feel like I am about to go into battle…. And of course, win!

However, we are creatures of habit and BJK&E has been a big part of our lives so sometimes we find it hard to let go…..especially when it comes to telephone calls!

“Good Morning BJK&E” was a breeze… It came automatically. I even did it on my home phone a couple of times. Now, “Good Morning MAXUS” that’s a different story. I cannot seem to get it right. It does not roll off my tongue simply. I stutter, or I have to pause and remember who we are. I have become nervous, almost sweaty-palmed. It puts me off kilter for the rest of the conversation.

To add to this pressure the dark side of the office have decided to play a little game! Every time someone from our side uses our old name BJK&E instead of MAXUS we have to pay 50p. The idea being, the money adds up and we put it towards Friday drinks! It’s going to make me worse, and it’s going to make me poor. Everyone else seems to be finding it relatively easy and I cannot help but think the joke is slightly on me! I have now got so bad that this morning I even answered the phone using the company name of my first job!

However,  I like a game, and I like a challenge and I will continue to play, because I am Alice from MAXUS and I will not be defeated! yet!